"I Love You" Too Soon

We've all had it happen. You're in a relationship for a few weeks . . . or even a couple of days and you hear it: "I love you." What is your initial reaction? Well it will depend how much you're into this person. You may say it back, thinking you mean it; or you may just run far away.

I'll be writing this article more for girls (sorry, guys) because there are a lot of guys out there (more than girls) that will say this line to you just to get you to fall for them . . . and for them to get what they want out of you. No, not all guys are like this; but some are. Let's take a closer look at this phrase and what comes of it, shall we?

Remember that love takes time. I've been arguing with myself for years about "love at first sight" versus "lust at first sight" and if you could really fall in love with someone by just looking at them. I've decided that, no, you can't just love someone when you first meet them. It takes months and sometimes years to fall in love. I believe it depends on the connection, chemistry, and personalities of the two people above other elements. It doesn't mean that love is any stronger if you fall in love with someone after 3 months when compared to 3 years; it just shows that some relationships take more time than others. I feel that we can feel a deep connection with someone at first and feel very attracted to them; but love just doesn't happen like that!

So when a guy tells you he loves you after the first date or after 5 weeks of dating . . . what does it mean? I've had several clients contact me about this very same issue which is why I feel it is important to address. There are 2 different ways girls normally take this news: they completely fall for the guy, or they laugh and leave. For the latter, they all have something in common: they're letting fate lead them to a better relationship so they don't care about having some guy that jumps all over them at his first chance. The former all have something in common: they crave love and attention, they want companionship and feel devastated without it, they need a relationship, and they're lonely. There's nothing wrong with either. 


Now let's focus on why guys might jump on the "I love you" train. Well, chances are, they just want your trust . . . and sex. Naturally he wants to butter you up so that you feel he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you; so then you'll be willing to give in to his every wish. So the next time a guy tells you he loves you and you've only been dating for a short while, think about it; does he mean it or is he just trying to get in your pants? And is that the kind of relationship you want? Or do you want a relationship where the guy takes time to get to know you and when he tells you he loves you, you know he does.

I definitely warn my clients that this is red flag; more often than not, the guys intentions are purely to love 'em and leave 'em. Whatever you do, don't say it back (unless you know you mean it) because it will only encourage him. Allowing this to occur may only hurt you in the long run. Allow things to go at a nice, comfortable pace because letting "I love you" slip out; and make sure you actually mean it and just aren't wanting to hear it back!

A lot of people will oppose this while it will encourage others to be curious and may even give a few a wake-up call. So what things should you look for to know whether or not he really loves you when time is an issue? Let's see:

• How long have you known each other? I don't mean "well we went to school together for 4 years but never talked." I mean "we've been talking for about 4 months." Don't include time where you didn't talk; like those 15 years that passed between talking in high school for a year and now; those don't count. If you've known each other for a long period of time, it's more believable that someone has fallen for you rather than knowing someone for a short period of time.
• How long have you been dating? While how long you've known each other isn't as important as how long you've been dating, I feel dating still plays a key. When you date someone it helps put that person in a different light. Hanging out as friends versus dating brings something new to the table; it might be the same experience, but definitely with a different vibe. If you've been dating for a short amount of time but feel you love the person because you've known each other for years, don't necessarily get ahead of yourself by announcing your love; make the moment more passionate by knowing they feel the same way and that the relationship lasts more than just a few days. 
• What levels has your relationship gone through? There are different levels in a relationship. There's acquaintances which are people you've met but don't really know. There are friends, best friends, occasional buddies, and so on. Knowing what level the relationship has been through in the past will help you identify where you stand now. If you've been occasional buddies on game night or group outings, you know there are still some levels to go through before love blooms. But if you've been best friends for years, love is like your car's right mirror: may be closer than it appears.

If you're after a quick relationship, then this is the relationship for you. But if you want a loving relationship with a solid foundation that will last into the future, then make sure love isn't rushed. I once had a client that was in her early 30s (before she came to me). Her friends were all married with kids and she wanted to settle down and have a family before she got over the hill. She fell for a guy that told her he loved her from the very beginning. They would fight often and by the time she came to me for guidance, she felt like she was trapped in a relationship. I saw that all this guy wanted was sex . . . and also that he was involved with someone else. My client found out the man was married but his wife wouldn't give him anything in the bedroom so he sought it out elsewhere. Instead of him having a string of one-night stands, he wanted a "sure-fling." I use the term "sure-fling" to describe the relationship they had; she was always there for him when he needed some sexual relief so he didn't have to look around for another girl. According to my client, they always fought and he always said he loved her. Now she is reaching her upper 30s and is finally getting herself back out there to find someone to spend her life with. I'm hoping that with this post, it will reach out to some people that are in a similar situation that need to re-examine the relationship when the "I love you" hit comes out way too soon. But how you take it means everything.

The bottom line is to beware when you're told "I love you" after a short period of time. True love takes time; lust takes a second. Figure out what that person wants by looking at the relationship from a third-person point-of-view. Do you want a relationship like this or something better? As I said before, love depends on a variety of elements; just check to see which are there. Not every guy is like that; but there are some that are. Throw out the bad ones and keep the good ones! I wish you the best of luck in relationships!

Beautiful Blessings,

Natasha <3

10 Uncommon Questions for Romance Readings

A lot of the Readings I do for clients revolve around romance. There are common questions such as knowing their feelings, intentions, where things are going, what they think of the person, and a few other common ones. Rarely do I get someone that wants to focus on other questions to really gain more insight into motives or reasons for why someone is acting a certain way or how to better the situation. Sometimes they just want answers and don't feel like asking other questions; others come to me in a live session and don't want to waste time focusing on other questions that may actually help them!

So I sat down today with a mission: to think of 10 questions I'm rarely, if ever, asked that really benefit the client more than they may think! Here is what I've come up with:

1. What current obstacles should I know about? This will provide you with knowledge of what currently is holding the relationship back or hurting it. It could show things such as another person, fears, other priorities, and whatever else may be creating a blockage. By knowing about this, it will help you to see what must be overcome.
2. What will hold me back from the relationship? This is similar to the above question except it focuses just on you but also take into consider the near future. It'll point out fears, other relationships, family matters, or even a job change before it happens. This is great to ask if you want to see what you can focus on overcoming.
3. What will hold my partner back from the relationship? This is the same as the above but focuses instead on your partner and the near future. Know about their ex-lover coming back before it happens or know about their family's influence over him or her. This is the question to ask if you want to know what will make them pull away.
4. What advice is there for the relationship? This focuses solely on advice for the relationship. It can be things such as making sure to spend alone time together, don't focus on the negatives, try something new, to anything else. This more focuses on the relationship on a whole. Ask this to get some guidance. 
5. What can I do to better the relationship? This is like the above question but focuses just on you. So this should reach you on a more personal level. It can give advice such as to make sure you don't go out too much, that you ignore a past lover, or that you should send your lover a gift every now and again as a surprise. This is perfect to see what you can do!
6. What can my partner do to better the relationship? Sometimes you can only do so much in a relationship. This is good to give to your partner to show them what they can do to better the relationship! Maybe they should cook for you, trust you more, or even befriend your parents! Perfect for guidance for your partner.
7. How does my partner feel about being together? This can be used for a current relationship, past relationship, or relationship interest. In a common Reading we might look at their feelings and intentions; but sometimes they may love you (feelings) and may want to be with you (intentions) . . . although they may feel like being with you would "trap" them. So this is very important! Sometimes even looking into the future and seeing a relationship doesn't mean jack if the person feels uncomfortable with a relationship. It will only create problems. Ask this is you want to know how they feel about being together.
8. How does my partner feel about breaking up? This is similar to the above question but it looks like how your partner would feel about being apart. This may be someone you're with now, used to be with (how they feel about being apart), or are thinking about being with (how they feel about not being with you in the long-run). This would look at if the person would feel broken-hearted, happy, free, lost, and so on. It will truly let you know if they feel they would be better off apart. This is good to ask if you want to know how someone feels about being apart.
9. What can I expect from being together? This will let you know what you can expect as far as the relationship goes if you and your partner are together. It will let you know if you'll feel like things aren't going anywhere, if they will get more serious, and so on. By asking this you'll know whether or not this is something you want.
10. What can I expect from being apart? This will let you know what you can expect as far as the relationship goes if you and your partner break up (or remain apart). You'll be able to see if you will feel more free or more sad. Sometimes it may show other possible relationships although it doesn't always happen. This is the best question to ask if you're thinking about being apart.

There are so many more questions that I will put into another blog post some day, but these are the top 10 that I want to introduce to clients for now. Each of the above is perfect for insight into relationships so you can know what may hinder the relationship, help it, and if it's really a good idea for both of you. So feel free to use these in your next session with me or another Reader! You will be surprised by just how much information you receive and just how much clearer the picture becomes for you. Not eveything can be known by just knowing someone's feelings and intentions. There are so many different parts to a relationship and making a successful one! These are just a couple more questions to ask to get the bigger picture!

Beautiful Blessings,
Natasha <3

Talk Instead of Text

Does this picture look familiar? To most people that read this, it is something that they see and do on a daily basis. In today's day and age with techonology being the center focus, it's easy to get caught up in communicating via texts, instant messengers, and social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. But, hands down, texting is the most popular form of interaction.

Chances are, if you have a cell phone . . . you text. If you text, you probably text everyone: your best friend, your, Uncle Jim, that one guy from college (you still aren't sure how he got your number), that girl down the street that looks like Britney Spears, and maybe even your boss! Texting is one of the most popular forms of communication because it's secretive so you can do it at just about any time! But, texting while driving is dangerous. So please please please refrain from doing that! =] In addition to texting the above, you probably text romantic interests where it's someone you like, your significant other, or spouse. But did you know texting can hurt a relationship?

When it comes to romantic relationships, texting is not the way to go! It's okay for light chit chat but a majority of communication should be done over the phone or in person. You may wonder what the difference is between someone texting you and talking to you on the phone. It's easier to do a lot of things by typing words rather than saying it. Someone could be leading you on, lying, making sarcastic remarks, and even sexual comments (which you may not catch through a text).

If someone is willing to text but never talk, it's a red flag. Maybe they really aren't that into you, aren't serious, are cheating, or something else is up. Maybe times I get clients that say their spouse, significant other, or love interest won't call them. So sometimes they take matters into their own hands and call the person to get no answer but then they text them. Let me tell you, it is always a red flag. In every case something has been up with the other person; some are cheating, others aren't into other person, some aren't serious and just want a fling, but sometimes they're just afraid of a relationship.

No matter what it is, it's time to talk to this person if you're having communication issues and most of your communication is through text messaging. No, they may not be cheating, but something else could be bugging them about the relationship. Talk to them. Because if communication is down (and something else is up with them) then it makes the foundation of any relationship weak. It's time to get to the heart of the matter and figure out what's wrong . . . or find someone else that is willing to communicate. Verbal communication is key to a relationship. If you want a successful relationship, whether it's with someone you've been with for 50 minutes or 50 years, communication has to be there. If not, you may end up like this girl in the picture. Because as soon as communication begins to fail, the foundation or any relationship begins to crumble only leading to worse things down the road.

I often tell my clients to confront the other person and see what's going on. It is possible to fix this depending on what is up with the other person. So the next time you find yourself in a relationship where texting is your #1 form of communication . . . acknowledge that red flag and follow your intuition. You may just be able to save the relationship . . . or end it before wasting more time. So the next time your husband is texting you but isn't willing to answer a call, are you sure he isn't with another girl? Or the next time your girlfriend won't call you to tell you goodnight and she loves you but texts it instead . . . does she really mean it or is she just trying to make you happy? Never underestimate these things. I know it's easy to overlook a lot of this and make up excuses for the other person. But take a realistic approach. If it happens on occasion, it's no big deal. But when someone is constantly texting and not willing to throw in a call . . . it could be a bigger issue. Once again, follow your intuition.

I can tell you that, in my personal experiences, whenever one of my relationships gets low on communication or everything is done by texting, I slowly grow apart from the other person. That's why I always try to push communicating by phone or in person with friends from time-to-time and even more so with romantic partners. I urge all my clients to do the same and help them along their way by giving them answers, advice, and guidance. Trust yourself when it comes down to texting instead of talking.

Beautiful Blessings,
Natasha <3